


What's the Fuck?

by montynavarrno



Series: The Next Generation [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, Nothing explicit, anyway this is T but there is sex stuff mentioned, james is trans but this isn't really mentioned, my stories on here revolve around memes and parents giving the sex talk, you'll have to pry ace james madison out of my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 19:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7814800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/montynavarrno/pseuds/montynavarrno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Honestly, all James wanted to do was make a sex joke. Too bad he forgot his daughter had the ears of an elephant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's the Fuck?

**Author's Note:**

> "what's the fuck" aka me making a typo and then writing a story about it. Also, if I recall correctly, Martha Jefferson Randolph was often referred to as Patsy. In this story, her last name is Jefferson, leading to the nickname PJ. Additionally, in the future she identifies as a demigirl so this gender neutral nickname was a blessing in the end.

James Madison was very asexual. He didn't enjoy sex very much. Other than physically feeling good, he didn't find a whole lot of appeal to it. Honestly, there were better things he could be doing.

On occasion, however, one of those better things was Thomas Jefferson. Thomas was not asexual by any stretch of the imagination. However, he was very faithful to his husband. He respected James' sexual boundaries. He loved James, and if being with him meant masturbating more often, then so be it. But on the occasions where Thomas became one of those "better things," Thomas usually went all in. 

Sometimes the way James let Thomas know he was in the mood was serious. Other times it was ridiculous, like the macaroni incident back in college. Whatever the way, Thomas appreciated it when James let him into his heart, and also his body. 

The great thing about rarely having sex is that when they adopted their daughter, PJ, they didn't have to worry about getting caught. Unfortunately, their lack of a vigorous sex life left them unprepared when their daughter heard their flirting.

It was a nice day in the summer. It wasn't too hot or too humid, and the family had just come back from a trip to the park. PJ and Thomas were sharing a large carton of strawberry ice cream (James was taking several photos secretly while he ate his frozen yogurt). After the snack was finished and cleaned up, as well as the younger member of the family, they decided to watch a movie. Although PJ was only five, her favorite movie was Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Thomas had thought that it would be okay to let PJ watch all the Marvel movies (except Deadpool, _thank god_ ) and it had all worked out in the end, especially after PJ had proclaimed that she, Storm, and Black Widow were married just like her parents. 

Thomas and James also enjoyed the movie. James liked it because he liked analyzing the parallels between the fictional movie and the real world. Thomas liked it because Anthony Mackie was attractive and snarky and overall perfect. And he vocalized it. 

"The Falcon is the best part of this movie," Thomas said as the character threatened Jasper Sitwell. "Anthony Mackie may be the best actor in the Marvel movies."

"Daddy wants Anthony Mackie to give him the kiss." PJ had recently picked up an odd habit of saying "the" instead of "a" or "an." Neither Thomas nor James knew where she had picked it up. 

"Daddy would like for Anthony Mackie to give him a little more than the kiss," Thomas said under his breath. Luckily, PJ didn't hear him.

'Maybe after PJ goes to bed I'll give you the kiss and the fuck," James said to Thomas quietly, a small devious grin on his face.

"What's the fuck?" PJ had ripped her attention away from the movie to look very intently at her parents. 

Thomas and James froze. James' heart rate picked up. He had counted on PJ being actively engaged in the movie being enough for him to get away with that. He had been quiet too. Just not quiet enough.

Thomas was the first to speak. "'The fuck' is something that grown up people do. Usually it's called sex, because fuck is a bad word."

PJ stared at him. "What is sex?" 

Thomas spoke again. "Sex is how babies are made."

"Are you and père going to have a baby?"

"No sweetie. Sometimes it takes a lot of tries to have a baby."

"Why?"

James broke into the conversation at last. "PJ? Some of this stuff is really complicated, and you might not understand some of it until you're older."

"How much older?" 

"Why don't we talk about this again when you're ten years old?"

"Okay."

James though that was the end of the most horrifying moment he had lived through. Sadly for him, it was not.

"What if you forget?" PJ looked very worried by this idea. 

That was when Thomas, beautiful, wonderful Thomas came up with a great idea. "How about we write it on a piece of paper and put it on the fridge. We'll write 'Tell PJ the secrets of life five years from now' and then we can't forget."

PJ clapped her hands. "Yay!" she squealed in that ear shattering high pitched voice only small children can do.

While she was clapping her hands and dancing around, Thomas wrote the note that sealed their fate and stuck it on the fridge. "Okay PJ, it's on the fridge now. Are you ready to finish your movie?"

PJ nodded. "After that, can we watch X-Men? And get pizza? Please, daddy?"

Thomas chuckled. "You'll have to ask your père."

PJ immediately turned her puppy dog eyes onto James. "Please, père? Pleeeeeaaaase?"

James couldn't resist her. "Of course we can. What kind of pizza do you want?"

"Cheese!"

* * *

Later that evening, James and Thomas were getting ready for bed.

"I can't believe we scheduled when we're going to have the sex talk with our daughter." James said.

"I can't believe our daughter is the one who made us schedule the talk."

James laughed at Thomas' statement. "I think that's a little different from how most families work."

"I think we're a little different from how most families work."

James snorted in agreement.

As the couple climbed into bed together, Thomas put on a seductive smile. "How about we have a sex talk right now?"

James laughed, but shook his head. "Honestly, scheduling the scientific sex talk with our daughter completely killed the mood for me."

Thomas nodded. "I understand. Do you want to cuddle and read instead?"

"Sounds like a plan to me."

And so the couple read and completely put the fact that they had made plans to give their daughter the sex talk out of their minds until the next morning when they went to eat breakfast and saw the note on the fridge. They would never be able to forget it. But that was okay. At least they knew when it was going to happen.

Others didn't have that luxury, after all. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, while I was writing this I was sending quotes to my friend to laugh about them and I almost sent the quote "Whatever the way, Thomas appreciated it when James let him into his heart, and also his body." to my mother so yeah. There was that.


End file.
